It's been a hard week

No pun intended. Well, sort of. We haven't been very close lately due to a traumatic event that happened in her life a short time ago, and because she "just isn't a very horny girl." Truth is, I don't think it has anything to do with her physically. She has some pretty profound issues with self esteem and a fear of being close and vulnerable. Part of me thinks that if she could somehow resolve some of these issues, she'd be much more emotionally available and listen to my needs a little more.

Speaking of not meeting needs, we had a fight the other night about how she's been distant and how I felt sort of abandoned and lonely. It seems like I have to ask for any sort of affection, and most of the time when I do ask, she pushes me away, makes a face or is somehow uncomfortable. I grew up in an affectionate household and she didn't, so I can see the disparity, but still I feel left out. When I told her that, she said something about not caring about her needs. I didn't say it at the time because I didn't have the words, but thinking about it later I realized the implications of what she said:

She's more interested in her needs than mine. Strong statement, I know, but hear me out. She's worried about her needs for space and distance, but I'm worried for my needs for closeness and affection. I've been trying to meet her needs for space and swallow much of my desire to be loved, but when I try to meet mine, she stifles them, so it seems to me that I'm catering to her needs far more than she's concerning herself with mine. It all struck me as kind of selfish and uncaring.

That's just the affection part, stay tuned for the sex part. A-whole-nother story.